Yours, Noor: Managing Symptoms
Dear Readers, managing symptoms in scene is super tough! Here’s what I do.
Dear Readers,
The beginning of this year has been challenging to put it politely. The lack of sun is always difficult in Seattle, since it sets at around 3:30 pm most days. I fucked my SI joint for a week. Then I got a sinus infection. Oh, did I mention that as I type this I’ve started my period as well?
Even so - I can’t say I’m upset or depressed, which is saying something because I’ve always felt that depression is prowling in my periphery - I’ve had a wealth of growth already.
I’ve secured a remote part-time job in my field of oral history and started an apprenticeship to study under traditional witch Ylva Radziszewski. I’m looking forward to planning the second Seattle Leatherdyke Picnic with Mistress Marlowe. I’ve been playing a ttrpg with a group of folks, writing, and going to as many play parties as my spoons allow.
The point is my life has been full in both good and bad ways; and managing my mental and physical health has been the foundation to maintaining balance and spoons in my daily life. While I’m still learning how to manage symptoms in sessions or play, these are the things that have helped me through:
1. Get Creative with Research:
For my fellow disabled folks, researching about yourself is nothing new. The best allies I’ve found in my disability journey have been other disabled folks; whether friends or online communities I’ve never interacted with, there is a wealth of information out there if you’re willing to go digging.
When it comes to kinky exploits, however, we might have difficulty finding information that helps our specific fantasies. For instance, I was discussing a scene with someone that would take place in the snow. I happen to have POTS, which means that temperature changes can be extremely challenging for me and can lead to fainting.
So, how do you research something so specific? Break it all down into bite-sized pieces, then put it together like a collage. This is my approach:
What are the variables? In my example: Temperature, Length of Exposure, Pace of Transition from Temperature, Stress on the Body and Biological Responses
How have I seen my body react to these variables? I know that drastic changes in temperature over a short period of time can trigger syncope, cold/hot sweats, shakes
Get creative with common examples that could be similar. What common experiences are there with being cold? Cold showers, ice baths, winter walks, blizzards or ice storms, etc
In the end, my research started off with the search, “POTS manage syncope cold showers” - this then provided me with tons of forums, research, etc I could access to compare to my own experience and prepare me. Then the key is to repeat, repeat, repeat.
2. Utilize Sports/Fitness Tools
Unfortunately, many of the tools or aids provided by the disability aid industry are very expensive, ranging from hundreds to thousands of dollars. Luckily there is a much more accessible market we can use to help in our sessions - sports and fitness. Now sports and fitness will not be a win across the board, there are some things that cannot be replaced, however it can be an aid in our journey.
Of course, fitness markets can also be astronomically priced - but I’ve found that there is a bit more wiggle room for off-brand and/or cheap replacements, or simply just more convenient temporary solutions that are more likely to be bought off a birthday present list.
If you’re someone who struggles with hypermobility, joint pain, muscle injury, tendon issues or similar, looking into KT-Tape is a great way to compliment your kinky experience. It can be used basically all over your body, it can help support you and it can help make sure you don’t overextend yourself. This magical stuff also comes in at under $20 for most brands at stores.
While Apple watches aren’t cheap by any means, the fitness industry has really changed the game in regards to cheap, wearable heart monitors. For many of us, spiked or dropped heart rates can give us the heads up we need to act quickly and avoid any severe symptoms. If you haven’t looked at heart monitors lately, Amazon has a fitness tracker for $19.96 and eBay and Walmart boast even cheaper options. Plus it gives the option for sharing data to a smartphone which could lead to some really fun power dynamic play even outside of each other's presence!
3. Experiment Incrementally, and Intentionally:
At this point you’ve done the research and you have some sort of plan on how to interact with your body in a supportive way in situations that may not be as forgiving. Now is the time to start experimenting. One thing to note is your own boundaries and triggers. If you’re like me, you have a history of self-harm - this means that experimenting can quickly turn into self-harm depending on the situation. It’s key that you spend the time to reflect and decide how you can tell the difference between experimenting for safety and self-harm.
For me, my experimentation was tied only to how my body would react to cold stimulus in different scenarios. With my heart rate monitor on, I tracked how my body reacts when I wear my light coat outside in the cold when I walk my dog. Then next time, I will wear something less, and track how my body reacts and so on. Another example was hopping into a cold shower and hopping right out, and seeing how my body reacted to the quick transition. Doing these controlled experiments at home, or in a situation I felt I had enough control, allowed me to see personally what I would experience as preparation.
Now I have a better idea of my limits and can communicate that in session - this is the key! We are learning our boundaries so that we can stay within our window of tolerance, and in power exchange it is imperative that we communicate that with our Dom/me/x or play partner who is controlling the scene. Both beforehand and during - they won’t be able to experience our body’s warning signs for us!
4. Include Prep-time and Aftercare in Your Time Commitment
This might seem like a gimme, but I’d like to spend some time on this. The only way I’ve been able to manage my day to day life and my spoons is by being very proactive with my schedule. Meaning I will sit down at the beginning of the month and plan out everything. Everything. Because of my mental and physical illness it is the only way I’ve been able to find any success in opening my capacity so I can have more of what I want in my life. And I want to acknowledge that it is really annoying and not easy for me to do - but it’s what I need, so I do it anyway.
So when I schedule a session in my calendar, I schedule time beforehand to emotionally focus and prepare because I know that I will spiral beforehand for hours if I don’t. But I don’t stop there - I will schedule my previous day so that it compliments the mental state I want to be in on the day of the session; for instance I will plan my work week so that I am able to only respond to emails the day before, because I don’t want to extend myself mentally before the session. Or vice versa, I’ll schedule the session on a day I know the day before I have the space to be mentally present the next.
The point is, each of us will need a different degree of proactive planning, and it can be your greatest asset for being in a good physical and mental space for a session. This can help curb symptoms.
I have noticed since doing this that my aftercare feels a lot different as well; it feels more harmonious and less desperate or heavy. Personally I’ve noticed I need less time to readjust once I’m alone, with greater care going into my “precare.”
Still, I schedule my aftercare past just the time I share with my play partner, similar to the precare. While I might be using some of my research directly after the session, like taking a warm bath to help adjust my body temperature back up, I also take responsibility for caring for my body as a thank you for allowing me my pleasure once alone. This means doing yoga - even though I hate it - and making myself a nutritious meal - even though I hate cooking. Am I complaining too much? Point is, it’s important to plan for all types of aftercare.
Lastly, I’ll say, don’t double book your self-care time. If you need time to decompress from a session or an event, but are pushing yourself through another before allowing yourself a break, you’ll likely need extra time for aftercare.
This is my approach in building capacity and managing my symptoms at the moment, and it’s absolutely true that this will not help everyone the way it’s helped me. Everyone’s body, disabilities, and solutions will look at least a little bit different. However, it's by sharing our experiences that we can begin to build a library of care for each other to access and I hope this meets you when it’s needed.
Yours,
Noor
P.s. Thanks to everyone’s efforts we were able to hit our subscribers goal 3 times over - I cannot express how much I appreciate each and every one of you.
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