Yours Noor: Free Palestine
Trying to redefine myself in and out of kink when I feel like I’ve lost myself.
Dear Reader,
It’s been 48 days of genocide as I write this. 48 days of deep grief and holy rage. 48 days of watching the unimaginable happen to my Palestinian siblings. 48 days of desperately trying to understand what it means to witness Palestine scream to the world, “Where have you been for 75 years?” 48 days of wondering how to turn witnessing into justice.
Before I continue selfishly writing about my thoughts while children count sheep under rubble and hope someone finds them, I must first beg you to consider your position.
What privileges do you embody or have access to that you can leverage? Have you learned about Congo and Sudan? Have you tried? And I mean really tried. What have you given up? What are you willing to sacrifice?
I am disabled, physically and mentally. I have been skipping meals to pay for my rent. My resources are limited to say the least. As an oral historian I still have something to give. I’ve been recording and working. I have been attending actions and have experienced flare ups to a degree I haven't experienced in nearly a year. My back has become so inflamed and in pain, it’s impacting the way and distance I can walk. I’ve spent my days in between actions tending to my struggling body and resourcing a used walker so I can continue to show up. On days I can’t go to actions I help with jail support from my home and post incessantly on IG. I don’t say this as a comparison but as a form of accountability. I’m asking you to do what I am asking myself to do everyday. So please, use whatever unique skills you hold to mobilize.
I invite you to share space with me as I process what these changes mean. If you are someone who’s ready to push yourself in these ways (and beyond my limited vision), join me as I reflect on redefining myself when I feel like I’ve lost myself.
There’s a TikTok that comes to mind of a 20-year activist, LadySpeech, who urges young activists to remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Rest and self-love is a necessary part of the revolution. As the old adage goes, “You can’t pour from an empty glass.”
The rest and self-love necessary has been a difficult thing for me to process and hold during these times. We’ve been trained to believe the individual alone can change the world, change “this” for the better. Of course in some ways we can, but this belief that one person can change a global system is bizarre. The system is built to make sure that doesn’t happen. This usually results in us feeling guilty for not being able to change something impossible to change alone. If we internalize that, it can feel like you’re losing yourself. It can feel like filling your cup is a betrayal of your values. I know it has felt that way for me. Still, it is our duty to do this and to remember it’s a collective duty to free ourselves.